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Directional Have-Not

January 26, 2004

What was the purpose of the congealed stare. Why had it been so foreign and rare? He wondered out loud: “How is it so, who is responsible? When shall it present itself as such?”

It was never my intention to produce that which drove the others off, to publicly make shown what was otherwise unseen. Again we are the victims of what otherwise wasn’t there, and in doing so we’ve announced the forbidden, declared the unreal.

I want but it, though it is far off and plucked-nought, sit there but for it-nought.

Once loved, is it ridiculous to observe the second’s passage?

I was once frustrated with a friend; we separated, different ways, two paths. Now one road, separate directions. Is there a way around it?

“Where does fright remain?” asked I to no one, and received nary a reply. “I’ve bickered with a companion and lost it-nought, for want of the congealed stare. Can no one aid me in the recovery of it when it has only traveled so far?”

I received nothing and have cared for it ever since.

Affectionate Misdeed

January 25, 2004

To take time in dismantling, to pay particular attention to the revealing, is to share with one what one has been without. With this in mind, or with this mind within a mind, one may begin to see the familiar shape come forth, the beckoning of which we write.

Like a caress from behind, an unknown leech attaches itself to our collective back and begins to dine. Without knowing his name or the proper way with which to refer to him, we are left to accept this as our lot and continue on our way.

When the leech grows heavy and his thirst becomes quenched, he will drop away to seek out another prey upon a later day. For now we should remain pleased for we are without disease, as our kind friend had an upstanding notion of ‘clean’.

It is this fact alone which we are noting, the dismantling was but an aside. I can not say for certain, but I relish this squandering, this outward display of chagrin. Have you not noticed it for yourself, this pleasing array of ill will?

To Himself Besides

January 25, 2004

“Oh!” cried the child, finding himself sitting next to a precise duplicate of none other than he.

“Oh!” cried the child, finding himself sitting next to none other than himself, a precise duplicate of he.

There were two children, both who were the same.

There was a child, a young boy, who was twice present, though only once aware.

“I have a fondness for duality,” said the boy, speaking to himself while perched happily upon a bench outside the schoolhouse door. Inside the schoolhouse sat a concerned teacher, one who had just now made a note of it.

“Oh!” cried the boy, for he had forgotten his name entirely.

There was a once a small child, one the age of nine, who had once found himself beside himself with fear. This fear had never left him and he continued to play despite of it.

“Have you a moment for a question?” asked the babe, pulling upon his mother’s blouse. “Anything for you, dear,” replied the mother, not taking her eyes off the strange man who was approaching the house. “I am two,” said the babe, “aren’t I?” “Yes, dear,” said the mother absent-mindedly.

Serendipitous Have-Not

January 25, 2004

It was merry bout, a contagion transmitted only by happiness, the suffering one of contentment. He lay in the sun and nursed his riotous wounds, schematics of circumstance moving dancingly through his head, though himself ever watchful for an unwanted thought.

He knew it well, this misery of joyfulness, this plague of exhilaration, and he begged it to cease, to leave him in pieces with a more somber peace. He rolled onto his stomach and began to weave together blades of grass, cursing his lot and cheerfully whistling a tune of good spirits.

Before long he noticed that in his distraction he had inadvertently disturbed a nest of ants, an army of which ascended upon him and gave what he wished, good fortune at last. With his final breaths he called out from beneath, thanking each one, individually by name.

And so he perished at last, taking all with him but a sprout, one which grew from his unmarked grave, replenishing the skies with everything he had taken, for it had been his dying wish to see for nothing and be it but not.

Confectioner's Infection

January 23, 2004

He often could not sleep for he missed her so, and his head was filled with instances of their friendship, spiraling and swirling, sending him ever closer to the brink of madness. He would sit at the edge of his bed and re-read the letters she had sent him, again and again, far into the night. It was a terrible affliction and he found himself controlled completely, by her and for her.

When the pain became too much, his heart too heavy and his will ever small, he would tip-toe down to the parlor where he kept her visage under lock-and-key. Carefully he would remove the picture and lay it on the floor before him, where he would get down on his knees and weep sorrowfully until the morning broke.

Celebratory Congratulation

January 22, 2004

He had always been a perturbed child, easily startled and constantly on edge. The reasons for his anxiousness were largely unknown, and if asked he would point to a reliquary on the shelf and murmur ‘the answer lies within.’

Plenty of Others

January 19, 2004

It is but a slight nuisance, this botheration. It is small, a tiny splinter, a simple shard of glass. It rests gently in my foot, only letting its presence known when I go to take a step.

Four times, perhaps five, she has protested. Quickly she shrieks, shouting into the empty air, then suddenly quiet, the tiny voice silent as fast as it was loud. It is as if she cannot help herself, this most petite of friends. When she calls out I take notice, extending a hand in aid, attempting to free her from such a steadfast entrapment. But she does not move, stuck as if by glue into the sole of an otherwise plain appendage.

I have made a bloody mess upon my floor, the viscera of a thousand wounds collecting and pooling, then making its way elsewhere, perhaps under a chesterfield, soaking into the duvet. It was all in an effort to free her, to allow for release into the cold room, then abruptly she may descend into a bag or container, made to be silent as we no longer can stand her cries.

But we are together tonight, as one, ourselves seated pleasantly, bandaged and bored. I shall exert no more, my attempts are in vain. She is happy where she has rested, and my discomfort is of no concern. As long as I have her, for the time we are near, I shall not speak an ill word of her, I refuse to pretend. We are here for now, quiet and dear.

Blessed Be

January 19, 2004

And at once there was a culprit, an innocent slaughtered for knowing. And as they watched, their gaze blurred by the smoke and occasional ember, their own sense of right was paralyzed, unmoving and scant, just as the last limb descended to, dropped amongst the remembrance of law, their own hearts knowing that justice had been served. And back to their dwellings they shuffled, the boy’s cries but a memory, and only then did they realize that they had tortured and burned their own begotten son. Feasted had they, when nothing had been hungry.